It is a great tragedy when people who once loved each other so much that they chose to have children together become so estranged that they can no longer live with each other. The grief over the loss of the family they each sought to create, and the anger at themselves and each other for the loss, piles on top of the guilt they each feel for having been unable to hold the relationship together for their children. These powerful feelings make it very hard for each to bring their best selves to the already difficult task of making decisions together on behalf of their children.
Whether it is best for the children that the parents stay together even when they are not able to construct a mutually safe and satisfying relationship, or whether it is best to part and thus not expose the children to the alienation, hurt, and anger which will inevitably arise, is a subject for great debate. Certainly there is no way that children win when their parents separate.
Study upon study shows that children do the best when they have two parents who love and support them and when those parents are able to work together on their behalf. This is very hard to do even when parents deeply love each other. When those parents are hurt and angry and afraid and guilty and resentful... it becomes very hard indeed.
The Parenting Post Divorce Program is designed to show parents how it can be done and to support them in learning how to create the best for their children by working with the other parent without abandoning their own autonomy and integrity. Sometimes this may feel like learning how to stand up to a bully. Sometimes it may be more like learning to set aside our own immediate wishes in favor of our children's needs.